Lately it feels like the source to a lot of frustration has been from one thing: myself. No, I’m not saying that I’m a despicable human being or that I should go throw myself a pity party, I’m saying that there’s one thing holding me back. One thing keeping me from being all I’m supposed to be. And sadly it’s not some Hulkish monster with 58 eyes and arms the size of a bus—it’s me.
And not just that, it’s how much I fear well, fear. I’m too afraid to go after something, put my heart on the line, take the risk. Because I, like many others, don’t like being afraid. At all. More than anything I hate letting myself become so vulnerable that I let others determine my happiness. And truly, those two things shouldn’t even correlate to each other! I should have the ability to be open or “vulnerable” while still holding my happiness by deciding for myself to be happy.
But I’m so afraid of heartbreak that I run into an even bigger problem: regret. I try SO hard to avoid getting hurt in opportunities I’m given that I become filled with regret by staying where I am. I get so attached to the idea of comfort that I don’t wanna risk it for an even more perfect thing!
People tend to think that they can find their life by finding someplace where they’re COMFORTABLE. And it’s okay to want comfort, but life is for LIVING not for standing still! We let our comfort take over so much that we’re not willing to let go. And I’ve started to see that by letting go, I’m given something even better. But. I can’t take hold of something beautiful if my hands are still full of all the comforting junk.
It’s funny how desperate I’ve become for something new. I’m anxious to be 18 in a few weeks, anxious to finally start college, anxious to find new passions, new friends, new places. And I’ve been so obsessed with this idea of something new that I think the only way I can break free is to change places or schools or towns. And I focused SO much on wanting a new chapter of life that I was completely oblivious to the truth: THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE WHERE MY LIFE GOES IS MYSELF. The only person that can break me out of the comfort zone and find something new is myself! If I would just take the risk of stepping out of my “norm” then I could find something exciting anywhere!
So Lindsay. If you’re reading this, stop complaining about feeling stuck in the same place. Stop convincing yourself that you’re trapped. The only thing trapping you is your mentality. Go live! Go meet new people, go be spontaneous, go make someone happy, go explore every inch, and above all DON’T worry about what others think. Well I mean, obviously you need to listen to people, they’re trying to help you and you want to help them. But BE YOU, and BE HAPPY without letting others get between you and your happiness. Live without regret! And always always smile :)